From the depths of change

Have you ever had to make a TOUGH decision? Tough because all options have good logical reasons. And the more you go over the reasons, the more they seem to have validity?

All summer I’ve been in the limbo about taking over a rather new HVAC (Heating Ventilation Air Conditioning) company. My dilemma came from 2 things: first, I don’t know much about HVAC, and second, I wanted to start my own company in coaching, training and seminar leading. 2 very different options. In one hand I had a company offered to me on a silver platter with business coaching support and the other my budding coaching practice with 3 clients for now with no support and the potential to be criticized for not performing and bringing home THE money. It occupied my mind completely. I started loosing sleep over it.

That’s resisting change and letting fear of it dominate mind, conversations, feelings. And as more time was spent in indecision, the harder it got to make a decision. The spirit of Doubt was getting stronger and bigger by the day.
Knowing the mechanism of fear, I was looking at my actions, aware of where it all came from. And, that’s were the awareness stopped. The tools I needed to use to reverse the situation were eluding me, overshadowed by doubt and indecision. I got frustrated because I knew I had the answer somewhere inside of me. Where was it?!

It would have been easy to go back to “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill and re-read the chapter on decision.
– “You have a brain and a mind of your own. Use them and reach your own decisions.”
– “Financial independence, riches and desirable business and professional positions are not within reach of the person who neglects or refuses to expect, plan, and demand these things.”
– “The world has the habit of making room for those individuals whose words and actions show that they know where they are going.”

At the end of the summer, I chose the HVAC company because of the support and the feeling of legitimacy it gave me. Not strong enough yet to embrace my own dream. Instead I would support someone else’s dream.

It’s still not easy. I still don’t feel adequate most of the time (the perfectionist in me), but I’m taking decisions everyday, strengthening my decision-making muscle. The doubt comes back when I’m faced with challenges. And then I remember the power of persistence in the midst of all these changes…

How did you deal with the ghosts of fear, doubt and indecision when faced with a big change? I’d love to hear your story! Do share!