The Gift of Blessings Received by Text

Hey Chantal

May the warm winds of the sky blow softly upon ur home
May the great spirit bless all who enter there
May ur feet make happy tracks in many hearts and minds
And may the rainbow always touch you in your heart.

May the sun bring you energy by day
May the moon softly restore ur mind and spirit by night
May the rain wash away ur worries
May the breeze blow new strength into ur body
May you walk gentle through the world and know its beauty all the days of ur journey.


Blessings received from an Elder in June 2015

11 septembre 2015

Vendredi soir… premier vendredi soir de cette nouvelle vie. Vie de Chantal. Pas la vie de la mère de… ou la femme de… juste la vie de Chantal. Un peu perdue, je ne sais pas trop quoi être. Un malaise d’identité. Moi qui refuse les étiquettes et les limites, je suis perdue sans mes étiquettes de mère ou de conjointe. À cause???!!! C’est qui qui est là en moi et qui me fait me sentir comme si j’étais une âme errante? Bof… Who cares anyway? Je me sens insignifiante, in-importante. Et pourtant cognitivement je sais que je n’ai besoin que d’envoyer quelques textos et que je pourrai converser avec quelqu’un, que quelqu’un sera là pour moi. Et j’en ai pas envie. J’ai envie d’être seule… tant que je ne me serai pas définie.

Oly… ça pourrait être long ça… Alors on fait quoi maintenant? J’ai envie de me distraire de ce questionnement en essayant de rejoindre quelqu’un. Tout en sachant que ce serait bénéfique d’écrire ce qui se passe en moi.

Ce malaise… il se nomme comment? Désespoir – le désespoir pour moi c’est ne pas avoir d’espoir de rêve d’avenir. Et c’est ce que je vis. Je ne comprends pas cette difficulté à me créer un rêve. Surtout, je juge cette inhabilité très durement. Et je me l’approprie. C’est moi qui est moins bonne, qui n’est plus bonne. Même plus capable de rêver… je vais aller où comme ça? Nulle part… C’est comme une petite mort. C’est comme être de retour à Chantal qui se contentait d’ëtre la feuille dans le ruisseau avant de connaître le film The Secret. Je m’étais promis que cette époque de ma vie était terminée, que je serais au volant de ma destinée. Et maintenant qu’il n’y a plus personne dans l’autobus, je ne sais pas pourquoi je devrais continuer à conduire l’autobus. Pour l’amener où exactement cet autobus? Frig. Comment ça peut être le néant de rêve comme ça? Ce néant me fait peur. Il me fait revoir la Chantal victime de la vie. Et je n’ai tellement pas de bons souvenirs de cette époque. En fait c’est le même gris et le même brouillard on dirait, sauf qu’il y avait du monde autour de moi de qui il fallait que je prenne soin et qui me gardait en mouvement. Maintenant être en mouvement pour le travail, c’est pas très stimulant. Ça manque de personne pour qui ça fait une différence ce que je fais… J’ai peur de ne plus faire une différence. Waow! Ça serait vraiment dur de savoir que mon existence ne fait pas une différence et qu’elle est inaperçue.

Quoi faire pour que je laisse ma marque? Et surtout, quoi être pour laisser ma marque? Je me rends compte que je juge ce que je ne fais pas, ce que je suis incapable de « faire ». Et il y a un bout de temps que je suis dans le « être ». Présentement je me sentirais plus en contrôle si je pouvais « faire ». Mon corps lui ne veut pas « faire ». Il en a sa claque de « faire ». Il aimerait juste « être ». Et je trouve ça insignifiant. En même temps je n’ai pas l’énergie de « faire » parce que je la dépense en grande partie au bureau mon énergie de « faire ». Alors quand je fais finalement le choix de partir du bureau, j’ai seulement l’énergie pour « être »… et je ne me trouve pas cool du tout… je me trouve pas mal poche en fait. Si je ne suis pas dans le « faire » je ne peux pas faire une différence. Wow. Quelle belle programmation! Je sais que le « faire » c’est le côté masculin… et que je suis dans l’apprentissage de mon côté féminin dernièrement, celui de « être ». Donc je me trouve insignifiante d’être plus féminine. Ouch! Pas étonnant que je sois entrain de me frapper la tête! Je suis en plein clash de programmation et d’idées reçues!

Feeling lost = Coming home to myself?

Tonight, after a couple of hours of overtime, I feel exhausted and I feel lost. I don’t recognize me. And I wonder what makes me believe that I have changed. Am I trying to fool myself and the world?

I feel the hunch to reach for Christiane Northrup’s book – The Wisdom of Menopause. As I check the table of content I see this title: Coming home to yourself: From Dependance to Healthy Autonomy. First sentence of the chapter: “The need and desire to assume more dominion over our lives becomes a burning issue at menopause.”

Here I am feeling like I have no control over my life because I can’t define it anymore… I am caught in a heavy stagnant gray fog… and I feel like it will engulf me forever. Hmmm… I don’t like when I go in this “All or Nothing, Black or White” approach to life. It usually last a few hours, sometimes days. Now it’s been a few weeks and I don’t recognize what is going on with me… The intense emotions, the tears, the darkness… This sense of not knowing where I am going, and this inability to dream my life are making me panicky. Where is the Life Coach inside of me? Did she desert me?

As I continue reading I am reassured that I am going through a natural passage in a woman’s life. I understand that I have 2 choices: deny this stage, its awarenesses and emotions, or go with it. The price to pay for denial is health issues, while choosing to go with it promises a new version of me at the other end. Hopefully the end will come soon…

I found this passage in the book comforting. It gave me hope of a brighter me, coming soon…

page 85 – “This empty nest, your altered living space, your disrupted life focus, that directionless feeling – all must first be acknowledged and experienced, with the attendant emotions, in order for the healing process to begin. In the interim, while we experience the upheaval and wait for the new path to become clear, we have to hang out in the “underworld” for a while, allowing our fears and grief and confusion to be fully experienced. Then, and only then, will the fog begin to lift, revealing hints of new doors, new directions, and a new focus for that shining new life.” The Wisdom of Menopause, by Christiane Northrup, M.D.


My first sweat lodge ceremony

Feeling welcomed and seen is how I felt during my first sweat lodge ceremony. I had the pleasure of being surrounded by men. Once more. And to be totally honored for being a sister, a woman, a mother. Wow.

The sweat lodge ceremony itself was very humbling. The complete darkness, the heat, the presence of the spirit of those in the flesh and not, the singing, the sharing, the drumming, the sacred medicines used on the stones, the right to be, the honor of being heard, the honor of being in the presence of those men and boys on this spiritual path, were all incredibly powerful.

Before our entering the sweat lodge, the sweat leader, explained that the sweat lodge itself represents the womb of a mother. The complete darkness , the heat and the moist are as reuniting with the mother. I am always impressed by the importance of the feminine in the autochthones cultures. It wasn’t until we were inside that I could really grasp what it meant.

One of the invitation extended to us before the beginning of the ceremony was to pray for others, and especially for ourselves. This advice resonated very deeply with me. Once I was in complete darkness I knew I could be there for me in the present moment. I didn’t have to perform and to be aware of others looking at me, for they couldn’t see me. They could sense my essence just as much as I could perceive theirs, but they couldn’t see me, which made it easier to be. To be me. To be present to me while being present to them as well.

What happened in the sweat lodge was sacred, yet simple and power-full. The sharing was very touching for me. Those men were just open, raw, real. And the boys! I was moved by their presence, the messages they had and how they shared the songs, by calling upon one another to sing.

When we lined up outside at the end of the fourth round to thank each other, I knew something had shifted inside of me. We then shared food, everyone still present to himself and to the others.

What an experience!

If you would like to find out a bit more about the Sweat Lodge Ceremony, click here.

When my partner can’t accept…

When my partner, a friend, a colleague, my father can’t accept even a simple compliment I give him, as a simple sign of appreciation, I feel like my appreciation is not valued or appreciated.

If my partner can’t receive the attention I give her by doing things for her, making time to spend with him, compliments I give him, it means:

  • He can’t receive what I have to offer
  • She can’t receive who I am
  • I can’t feel unconditionally loved
  • I can’t open up
  • I can’t trust that I will be supported
  • I feel rejected for who I am – I’m like the little kid with slumped shoulders, head down, wondering what could be good enough to be loved for who he is. Simply loved.
  • I feel alone
  • I feel I have to do everything by myself – I can never rely on anyone, since no one really cares and loves me for who I am.
  • Separation – not receiving perpetuates the paradigm that we are all separate, that we require competing against one another, which creates aloneness.
  • What would it take to be able to receive and in turn create a nurturing, caring, creative, collaborative environment where I am free to be me and to be loved for who I am?

    Life as a revolution

    Reading this quote by Anthony J. D’Angelo: “Promise yourself to live your life as a revolution and not just a process of evolution.” I started to ponder what it could mean.

    Not everyone chooses evolution. In fact many people are content with life as it is, which means that they are stagnating. Stagnation is the opposite of growth and change. It’s a step before death.

    According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, revolution is “ a fundamental change in the way of thinking about or visualizing something : a change of paradigm.”

    If you were to start living your life as a revolution, what would you like to fundamentally change about your life? What kind of thinking would you love to revolutionize? Your thoughts about money, about being rich vs being poor; or the way you think about your relationships, about your intimate one, your relationship with you; or the way you think about your world, your boss, your government?

    What would it take for that basic thinking to be altered? A drastic event like an accident, a separation, a job loss? Unfortunately, that’s how most fundamental changes happen. To remodel your paradigm is a labor of love that takes time and lots of repetition. And most of the time, when we make drastic changes we hit a wall of fear. We are confronted with our old beliefs and if we don’t have a strong foundation built on repetition we will more than likely revert back to our old ways that feel like an old pair of slippers.

    The revolution could come from being introduced to a new way of thinking and being open to it. However, know that this new idea will only be accepted once you’ve heard or seen it a few times. It’s how we are wired.

    Evolution sounds slower and more passive in this quotation, but it doesn’t have to be.

    Evolution is growth and all things on this planet grow, for a while, and then growth becomes a question of choice. It’s in the choice that we experience “a process of continuous change from a lower, simpler, or worse to a higher, more complex, or better state” (Merriam-Webster’s definition of evolution).

    That sounds smoother, slower and easier than revolution, thus more achievable.  It echoes the saying “Slow and steady wins the race”. Isn’t it what this journey is suppose to be: a game involving endurance and skills? Skills are acquired through adaptation and acceptation of the challenge, which in turns alters the present situation.

    What if evolution was fueling the revolution or change in paradigm?

    After all, our way of relating to life is a revolution if we compare it to life a hundred years ago… And a hundred years on billions of years it took for us to get where we are is a blink in time. From that perspective, we are living our life as a revolution. On a day to day basis I would be tempted to look at it as evolution. What can I say, I’ve come to prefer the gentle way…

    From the depths of change

    Have you ever had to make a TOUGH decision? Tough because all options have good logical reasons. And the more you go over the reasons, the more they seem to have validity?

    All summer I’ve been in the limbo about taking over a rather new HVAC (Heating Ventilation Air Conditioning) company. My dilemma came from 2 things: first, I don’t know much about HVAC, and second, I wanted to start my own company in coaching, training and seminar leading. 2 very different options. In one hand I had a company offered to me on a silver platter with business coaching support and the other my budding coaching practice with 3 clients for now with no support and the potential to be criticized for not performing and bringing home THE money. It occupied my mind completely. I started loosing sleep over it.

    That’s resisting change and letting fear of it dominate mind, conversations, feelings. And as more time was spent in indecision, the harder it got to make a decision. The spirit of Doubt was getting stronger and bigger by the day.
    Knowing the mechanism of fear, I was looking at my actions, aware of where it all came from. And, that’s were the awareness stopped. The tools I needed to use to reverse the situation were eluding me, overshadowed by doubt and indecision. I got frustrated because I knew I had the answer somewhere inside of me. Where was it?!

    It would have been easy to go back to “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill and re-read the chapter on decision.
    – “You have a brain and a mind of your own. Use them and reach your own decisions.”
    – “Financial independence, riches and desirable business and professional positions are not within reach of the person who neglects or refuses to expect, plan, and demand these things.”
    – “The world has the habit of making room for those individuals whose words and actions show that they know where they are going.”

    At the end of the summer, I chose the HVAC company because of the support and the feeling of legitimacy it gave me. Not strong enough yet to embrace my own dream. Instead I would support someone else’s dream.

    It’s still not easy. I still don’t feel adequate most of the time (the perfectionist in me), but I’m taking decisions everyday, strengthening my decision-making muscle. The doubt comes back when I’m faced with challenges. And then I remember the power of persistence in the midst of all these changes…

    How did you deal with the ghosts of fear, doubt and indecision when faced with a big change? I’d love to hear your story! Do share!

    Being His Support System and Advocate

    Tonight, I’m getting us (my husband and I) ready for his visit to his doctor.  He doesn’t get many appointments with him and he is still not followed by any therapist for his PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  So, I’m trying to maximize the time we will have in the doctor’s office.

    After listening to Change Your Brain Change Your Life by Daniel G. Amen, M.D., (I often start by the audiobook and then move to the hard copy to highlight), I gained a better understanding of what I’m dealing with.  I’ve been aware now for 6 months that this PTSD condition is not him doing things on purpose to be a pain in the …  and after listening to Dr. Amen I’m even more aware of his inability to become better if he doesn’t receive the right kind of treatment.  I ordered the book and the cards, and tonight we sat down to fill the questionnaires to pinpoint which brain system is not working optimally. Very eye opening. Especially when you recognize that a brain system that is over or under active brings its specific problems and that until the system is identified and treated it is very unlikely that symptoms will get better.

    I believe that being proactive and taking things, and especially our health, in our own hands is very important because you become a participant, not a patient patient.  Plus, who knows better than you and your loved ones what you are experiencing?  No one.  I think we have given doctors an Herculean task by expecting them to know exactly what’s wrong in a 15 minutes visit. In my husband’s case it’s important that I be there to relay the concerns and questions since he has a tendency to minimize the problem when facing a doctor or getting fixated only on one aspect when there are many.

    Do I get discouraged of being his main support system?  Definitely.  Even though I think that being a LifeSuccess Consultant is a major benefit in this situation since I’m using all the tools I know about to help him change his mind and his brain.

    Am I hopeful that the situation will get better? Yes or I wouldn’t be there.  And since I listened to Change Your Brain Change Your Life I know that the coaching tools I have used with my husband are very helpful since Dr. Amen prescribes them to his patient.

    Now let’s see what his doctor will think.

    My Love for Speed

    As we are getting on the tarmac and the engines of the plane start winding up, I feel  excitement. I love when we take off, my body being pushed in the seat because of the pressure created by the high speed.  I have a big smile on my face. I love when the plane turns.  I think it must be fun to be a pilot.

    As we are flying over lighted cities, just above some light clouds, I start thinking what else brings me this sense of excitement and where it could be coming from…

    The first thing that comes to mind is my experience in one of my friends muscle car.  Oh my!  That was pretty exciting too.  He really enjoyed seeing my grin as he was accelerating.  I also remember as a child being in those cars with adults and feeling their excitement, sense of control and pride. I even remember that a gas pedal was a chromed barefoot.  It must be where I got my urge to drive a manual car. Cuz’ with a standard you can accelerate faster and feel in control of your car.  Yes I love speed.

    Where else does it translate in my life?  Well, when I start a project, a journey, I want it all to unfold quickly, in a controlled fashion.  Does it happen that way?  Rarely.  And it used to frustrate me sooo much.  Now I’m realizing that it’s probably better that way. Life has a certain wisdom.  Would I have really been ready to speak in front of 2000 people as I was visualizing it, right after my LifeSuccess Consultant training?  Definitely not.  I would have been really nervous and overwhelmed.  Instead I’ve been preparing myself with smaller speaking engagements to become a world-class speaker.

    I also remember that when my kids were babies I thought that they weren’t growing up fast enough.  That I would be stuck in that high demand period forever.  And even though my mom was telling me that before long they would be teenagers, it was hard to grasp that concept. Lately I look at them, now almost 16 and 14, and I can’t get over how quickly it has gone by, in a way. It’s weird to look at them, taller than me.  Where as time flied by?

    I’m learning to slow down and appreciate the moment. And it’s sometimes strange.  I feel like I’m looking at someone else, because this “Relax!“ mode was so foreign to me, not so long ago.  A friend of mine even complimented me on my slower pace, saying that it was a nice change from my tight and busy schedule that was my lifestyle not even a year ago.

    What brought that change about?  My being tired and realizing that I was trying to keep up with my husband.  He is adrenaline driven and I could only keep up with that speed so long before crashing down, energy less. And lately I heard that unlike men adrenaline depletes women’s energy and leaves us exhausted.  Tada!  That’s why I couldn’t keep up!  I was yet again trying to do things in a manly fashion. Just like when I crave that speed with a car or on a plane. I want to feel that I have power and that I’m in control.  But what do we really control besides our mind?  Nothing.  So speed and control are both illusions.

    As we are starting the landing approach I become aware that slowing down requires more control.  Just like in life.

    Is it easier to catch all the balls life throws at us or to only catch the important ones and dodge the rest?  It’s sound lest exhausting to me…

    I understand now that I need to find a model of success achieved in a womanly fashion, making very good money and being highly respected.  Any suggestions?


    My dear friend Jacques sent me this text he had just discovered, and my heart jumped.  I had read those words before.  In fact many times. My mom had decided that it was good meditation material for that special time spent in the bathroom, and had framed it when I was a teenager.

    As they say, repetition is the key of learning, and reading this piece of wisdom over and over started a nice change in my awareness, in my way of see and experiencing life. Slowly, I’ve made changes in my consciousness to live according to those words.  I took many years.

    May you be touched by these words.



    Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
    As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
    Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
    Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
    If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
    for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

    Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
    Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
    Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
    But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
    and everywhere life is full of heroism.

    Be yourself.
    Especially, do not feign affection.
    Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

    Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
    Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
    Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

    You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
    you have a right to be here.
    And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

    Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
    and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
    With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

    © Max Ehrmann 1927