In the absence of clarity we are paralyzed by fear, just like when we were kids and we were afraid to go outside in the dark of night. That is, until we discovered the conforting security of a flashlight. The obscurity had not vanished, but we were comforted to see the few steps in front of us. Likely, our goals are to be our inspiration in the darkest hours, to help us focus on the next step we need to take to reach the next milestone on this map of the journey we created for ourself.

How do we go about setting goals?
There are 6 key components to achieving your goals and your purpose: visualizing, planning, acting, evaluating, setting a time frame and writing it down.

1. Visualization will assist you in making what you have dreamed a reality. It has been proven scientifically that when an athlete visualizes his performance the same muscles, nerves, neurones fire as when he is actually competing. When you imagine vividly, with as many of your five senses as possible, the mind thinks it is real and he then tries to correspond to that reality.

2. Planning only occurs if you think your dream can be a reality. It allows you to make it feasable, to reduce it to smaller pieces, like the expression that says the best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. A plan also helps you to deal with the fear of the unknown. Your past experiences serve as a foundation to stand upon to take your next leap.

3. Actions reinforce your beliefs in your own abilities and move you forward, closer to your dream. Without action there is no progression, no growth.

4. Evaluation serves as a measure of the progress and allows you to pick a different strategy if you are not getting the results you were expecting from this course of action.

5. Setting a date helps you create a sense of urgency and control your tendancy to procrastinate. Without a date it is easy to be nonchalant and postpone your actions indefinitely. A word of caution: if you did not reach your goal by the set date, it does not mean you failed but that the date was wrong. Unfortunately at this point in our evolution we do not have the awareness to predict with certainty when a thought will becomes physically tangible. We are still guessing. And setting a date is just a guess, not a measure of success or failure.

6. Writing your purpose and your goals make them tangible and give you a reference point when you are going downhill and you get discouraged. It will help you to remember why you are on this journey and to stay focused. Growing is not only a succession of successes. Some challenges are to be expected… That’s what life is all about.

Imagine a life where you clearly know where you are going. You have seen your target afar and you have hit it with your arrow, to which was attached a rope. Now you only need to hold the rope, take the steps, go around the obstacles and be on the journey. You have faith because you know that it is only a matter of time before you reach your target. It sounds easy, right? And it is the feeling that your purpose and goals will create. You will then be inspired, no matter what, to pursue your purpose and your goals.

© 2012, Chantal Ouellette. All rights reserved.

Not everyone chooses evolution. In fact many people are content with life as it is, which means that they are stagnating. Stagnation is the opposite of growth and change. It’s a step before death.

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, revolution is “ a fundamental change in the way of thinking about or visualizing something : a change of paradigm.”

If you were to start living your life as a revolution, what would you like to fundamentally change about your life? What kind of thinking would you love to revolutionize? Your thoughts about money, about being rich vs being poor; or the way you think about your relationships, about your intimate one, your relationship with you; or the way you think about your world, your boss, your government?

What would it take for that basic thinking to be altered? A drastic event like an accident, a separation, a job loss? Unfortunately, that’s how most fundamental changes happen. To remodel your paradigm is a labor of love that takes time and lots of repetition. And most of the time, when we make drastic changes we hit a wall of fear. We are confronted with our old beliefs and if we don’t have a strong foundation built on repetition we will more than likely revert back to our old ways that feel like an old pair of slippers.

The revolution could come from being introduced to a new way of thinking and being open to it. However, know that this new idea will only be accepted once you’ve heard or seen it a few times. It’s how we are wired.

Evolution sounds slower and more passive in this quotation, but it doesn’t have to be.

Evolution is growth and all things on this planet grow, for a while, and then growth becomes a question of choice. It’s in the choice that we experience “a process of continuous change from a lower, simpler, or worse to a higher, more complex, or better state” (Merriam-Webster’s definition of evolution).

That sounds smoother, slower and easier than revolution, thus more achievable.  It echoes the saying “Slow and steady wins the race”. Isn’t it what this journey is suppose to be: a game involving endurance and skills? Skills are acquired through adaptation and acceptation of the challenge, which in turns alters the present situation.

What if evolution was fueling the revolution or change in paradigm?

After all, our way of relating to life is a revolution if we compare it to life a hundred years ago… And a hundred years on billions of years it took for us to get where we are is a blink in time. From that perspective, we are living our life as a revolution. On a day to day basis I would be tempted to look at it as evolution. What can I say, I’ve come to prefer the gentle way…

© 2011, Chantal Ouellette. All rights reserved.

Are we doing ourselves a favor by being all over the place experimenting every new trend? According to neuroscience, probably not.

Once a negative thought enters your mind, you’re caught in a downward spiral, entertaining a bunch of ideas that disempower you. The new experience just confirmed to your brain that you’re not quite good enough and that trying to find the fault is the appropriate way to react to a new experience. You are hard wiring your brain to react this way, which in turns makes sure that it becomes an automatic unconscious response. It’s like if your brain is thinking “This must be the best way to handle this kind of situation since we do it all the time. Let’s make sure that we continue doing that.”

To help you change your ways:
- You need to become aware of these thoughts, usually by how you start to feel and the emotions that surface.
- Once aware change your train of thought or what you’re doing by choosing to question your perception asking yourself if it’s really that bad or if it’s only your brain playing an old trick on you.
- It’s now time to redirect your actions or mental processes to something productive and empowering.
- Take note of what just happened. You will be in a better position to reflect and evaluate your progress.

It’s only through repetition that you hard wire something and that it becomes a unconscious way of being or of doing something, in other words, a habit.
Yes, it takes time and effort.

Is it worth your while? You bet! Improving you, and improving your life is the name of the game.

Would like to know more?
Jeffrey Schwartz, MD and Rebecca Gladding, MD wrote a book on this subject: You Are Not Your Brain
Their website
Brain World Magazine

Tell me what habit you’ve tried to change and what you did, I’d love to know!

© 2011, Chantal Ouellette. All rights reserved.

All summer I’ve been in the limbo about taking over a rather new HVAC (Heating Ventilation Air Conditioning) company. My dilemma came from 2 things: first, I don’t know much about HVAC, and second, I wanted to start my own company in coaching, training and seminar leading. 2 very different options. In one hand I had a company offered to me on a silver platter with business coaching support and the other my budding coaching practice with 3 clients for now with no support and the potential to be criticized for not performing and bringing home THE money. It occupied my mind completely. I started loosing sleep over it.

That’s resisting change and letting fear of it dominate mind, conversations, feelings. And as more time was spent in indecision, the harder it got to make a decision. The spirit of Doubt was getting stronger and bigger by the day.
Knowing the mechanism of fear, I was looking at my actions, aware of where it all came from. And, that’s were the awareness stopped. The tools I needed to use to reverse the situation were eluding me, overshadowed by doubt and indecision. I got frustrated because I knew I had the answer somewhere inside of me. Where was it?!

It would have been easy to go back to “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill and re-read the chapter on decision.
- “You have a brain and a mind of your own. Use them and reach your own decisions.”
- “Financial independence, riches and desirable business and professional positions are not within reach of the person who neglects or refuses to expect, plan, and demand these things.”
- “The world has the habit of making room for those individuals whose words and actions show that they know where they are going.”

At the end of the summer, I chose the HVAC company because of the support and the feeling of legitimacy it gave me. Not strong enough yet to embrace my own dream. Instead I would support someone else’s dream.

It’s still not easy. I still don’t feel adequate most of the time (the perfectionist in me), but I’m taking decisions everyday, strengthening my decision-making muscle. The doubt comes back when I’m faced with challenges. And then I remember the power of persistence in the midst of all these changes…

How did you deal with the ghosts of fear, doubt and indecision when faced with a big change? I’d love to hear your story! Do share!

© 2011, Chantal Ouellette. All rights reserved.

After listening to Change Your Brain Change Your Life by Daniel G. Amen, M.D., (I often start by the audiobook and then move to the hard copy to highlight), I gained a better understanding of what I’m dealing with.  I’ve been aware now for 6 months that this PTSD condition is not him doing things on purpose to be a pain in the …  and after listening to Dr. Amen I’m even more aware of his inability to become better if he doesn’t receive the right kind of treatment.  I ordered the book and the cards, and tonight we sat down to fill the questionnaires to pinpoint which brain system is not working optimally. Very eye opening. Especially when you recognize that a brain system that is over or under active brings its specific problems and that until the system is identified and treated it is very unlikely that symptoms will get better.

I believe that being proactive and taking things, and especially our health, in our own hands is very important because you become a participant, not a patient patient.  Plus, who knows better than you and your loved ones what you are experiencing?  No one.  I think we have given doctors an Herculean task by expecting them to know exactly what’s wrong in a 15 minutes visit. In my husband’s case it’s important that I be there to relay the concerns and questions since he has a tendency to minimize the problem when facing a doctor or getting fixated only on one aspect when there are many.

Do I get discouraged of being his main support system?  Definitely.  Even though I think that being a LifeSuccess Consultant is a major benefit in this situation since I’m using all the tools I know about to help him change his mind and his brain.

Am I hopeful that the situation will get better? Yes or I wouldn’t be there.  And since I listened to Change Your Brain Change Your Life I know that the coaching tools I have used with my husband are very helpful since Dr. Amen prescribes them to his patient.

Now let’s see what his doctor will think.

© 2011, Chantal Ouellette. All rights reserved.

As we are flying over lighted cities, just above some light clouds, I start thinking what else brings me this sense of excitement and where it could be coming from…

The first thing that comes to mind is my experience in one of my friends muscle car.  Oh my!  That was pretty exciting too.  He really enjoyed seeing my grin as he was accelerating.  I also remember as a child being in those cars with adults and feeling their excitement, sense of control and pride. I even remember that a gas pedal was a chromed barefoot.  It must be where I got my urge to drive a manual car. Cuz’ with a standard you can accelerate faster and feel in control of your car.  Yes I love speed.

Where else does it translate in my life?  Well, when I start a project, a journey, I want it all to unfold quickly, in a controlled fashion.  Does it happen that way?  Rarely.  And it used to frustrate me sooo much.  Now I’m realizing that it’s probably better that way. Life has a certain wisdom.  Would I have really been ready to speak in front of 2000 people as I was visualizing it, right after my LifeSuccess Consultant training?  Definitely not.  I would have been really nervous and overwhelmed.  Instead I’ve been preparing myself with smaller speaking engagements to become a world-class speaker.

I also remember that when my kids were babies I thought that they weren’t growing up fast enough.  That I would be stuck in that high demand period forever.  And even though my mom was telling me that before long they would be teenagers, it was hard to grasp that concept. Lately I look at them, now almost 16 and 14, and I can’t get over how quickly it has gone by, in a way. It’s weird to look at them, taller than me.  Where as time flied by?

I’m learning to slow down and appreciate the moment. And it’s sometimes strange.  I feel like I’m looking at someone else, because this “Relax!“ mode was so foreign to me, not so long ago.  A friend of mine even complimented me on my slower pace, saying that it was a nice change from my tight and busy schedule that was my lifestyle not even a year ago.

What brought that change about?  My being tired and realizing that I was trying to keep up with my husband.  He is adrenaline driven and I could only keep up with that speed so long before crashing down, energy less. And lately I heard that unlike men adrenaline depletes women’s energy and leaves us exhausted.  Tada!  That’s why I couldn’t keep up!  I was yet again trying to do things in a manly fashion. Just like when I crave that speed with a car or on a plane. I want to feel that I have power and that I’m in control.  But what do we really control besides our mind?  Nothing.  So speed and control are both illusions.

As we are starting the landing approach I become aware that slowing down requires more control.  Just like in life.

Is it easier to catch all the balls life throws at us or to only catch the important ones and dodge the rest?  It’s sound lest exhausting to me…

I understand now that I need to find a model of success achieved in a womanly fashion, making very good money and being highly respected.  Any suggestions?

© 2011, Chantal Ouellette. All rights reserved.

As they say, repetition is the key of learning, and reading this piece of wisdom over and over started a nice change in my awareness, in my way of see and experiencing life. Slowly, I’ve made changes in my consciousness to live according to those words.  I took many years.

May you be touched by these words.

Enjoy!

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

© Max Ehrmann 1927

© 2011, Chantal Ouellette. All rights reserved.

Hips represent your ability or desire to move forward. Painful hips occur when you start questioning the why and how of things.  You wonder if you have the right to live for yourself or if you have to continue living for everybody like you’ve always been.  There is a link between this pain in moving forward and the sense of autonomy, independence. My body is trying to tell me that I have a certain stiffness, resistance and rigidity toward a situation or person, because I felt betrayed or abandoned.

I just couldn’t grasp it the first time I read it.  I was in disbelief that I, Chantal, would be having an issue with moving forward in my preferred future. After all, that’s what I help people do, for a living. Since then, life has been showing me a few things that bring evidence to what I cited above.  I have finally decided to get information on what is PTSD and its impact on me, my kids, my relationship because I had enough of living for my family, putting their needs up front all the time, and many times putting my dreams on the back burner.  A little bit frustrating for someone like me.  I like to pursue new ventures and feel free.  But now I feel like I have to tiptoe my way to it.  I feel abandoned because this relationship use to be about team work and spirit, and it’s nothing like that anymore.  This weekend I became aware that independance to me is being in a “do-it yourself” mode because when you’re independent you can’t rely on anyone. Is this really true? No.  You can be independent and co-operate with others to bring forth your dreams.

Is my body talking to me louder than I would like?  Well…  I know it could be worse, I could have a broken hip instead of a painful one.  So, now what… what can I do about this?  I started seeing a physiotherapist; have taken a different approach with my personal life coach; have seek advice from my fitness coach on what muscles I can work to get better; have been doing Tong Ren for it, have been in contact with someone that offers support to spouses of military or ex-military that are living in a relationship affected by PTSD; I’m reading more on PTSD and its effects and this new understanding is allowing me to be gentle with me, the kids and my spouse.

I think I’m on the right track…  and I’m positive that the future will confirm it.

© 2010 – 2011, Chantal Ouellette. All rights reserved.

So last night he was whining because our daughter had some friends over for a sleep-over and he wanted to be with them. I imagine  that in his dog mind he thought of all those human bodies he could cuddle up to and how lovely it would be.  The problem is they didn’t want him there.  So all night he was longing to be in a situation he can’t experience anymore.  And of course he doesn’t understand that.  Just like we don’t understand that most of the time the situation we are longing for is not available anymore for us to experience.  Not matter how much we long for it it won’t be the way it used to be. Period.

I could be spending hours crying or mourning the relationship I used to have with my husband before his PTSD.  Will it bring it back?  Will he be magically touched by a magic wand and brought back to the way he was when we were living “the life”? No. What can I do then?  Live and enjoy the present moment. Enjoy the good moments I spend with him when he is present the way I like him to be.  And the other times, when he is caught in his own whirlwind, when he is stressed out, I back off.  I send him lots of love and continue doing my own thing. I could go back in my mind to the “good old days” and get all nostalgic, and I’ve done it often enough, but I became aware that it wasn’t helpful, that it was bringing me down.  What’s the use then? He’s stressed, I’m down and the kids are upset. It’s a lose-lose situation.  When I acknowledge where he is and continue doing my stuff, I’m happy, I’m in a responsive mode if I need to be, not a reactive one, and my household is more at peace.  Much easier to live that way, in my books.

Accepting what is… a magic key for many life experiences…

© 2010, Chantal Ouellette. All rights reserved.

What will you do with this knowledge creating a new awareness of possibilities for you and your health?

© 2010, Chantal Ouellette. All rights reserved.