From the depths of change

Have you ever had to make a TOUGH decision? Tough because all options have good logical reasons. And the more you go over the reasons, the more they seem to have validity?

All summer I’ve been in the limbo about taking over a rather new HVAC (Heating Ventilation Air Conditioning) company. My dilemma came from 2 things: first, I don’t know much about HVAC, and second, I wanted to start my own company in coaching, training and seminar leading. 2 very different options. In one hand I had a company offered to me on a silver platter with business coaching support and the other my budding coaching practice with 3 clients for now with no support and the potential to be criticized for not performing and bringing home THE money. It occupied my mind completely. I started loosing sleep over it.

That’s resisting change and letting fear of it dominate mind, conversations, feelings. And as more time was spent in indecision, the harder it got to make a decision. The spirit of Doubt was getting stronger and bigger by the day.
Knowing the mechanism of fear, I was looking at my actions, aware of where it all came from. And, that’s were the awareness stopped. The tools I needed to use to reverse the situation were eluding me, overshadowed by doubt and indecision. I got frustrated because I knew I had the answer somewhere inside of me. Where was it?!

It would have been easy to go back to “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill and re-read the chapter on decision.
– “You have a brain and a mind of your own. Use them and reach your own decisions.”
– “Financial independence, riches and desirable business and professional positions are not within reach of the person who neglects or refuses to expect, plan, and demand these things.”
– “The world has the habit of making room for those individuals whose words and actions show that they know where they are going.”

At the end of the summer, I chose the HVAC company because of the support and the feeling of legitimacy it gave me. Not strong enough yet to embrace my own dream. Instead I would support someone else’s dream.

It’s still not easy. I still don’t feel adequate most of the time (the perfectionist in me), but I’m taking decisions everyday, strengthening my decision-making muscle. The doubt comes back when I’m faced with challenges. And then I remember the power of persistence in the midst of all these changes…

How did you deal with the ghosts of fear, doubt and indecision when faced with a big change? I’d love to hear your story! Do share!

© 2011, Chantal Ouellette. All rights reserved.

2 Responses to “From the depths of change”

  1. Chantal, reading your post made me wonder… Is your resistance to change and fear of the unknown solely directed towards your HVAC venture which, as you indicate, seemed to make you hesitate so much in taking this HVAC challenge, or could it be that you chose the HVAC venture because it was the one bringing you the least fear? From your excerpt whereby you wrote: “…and the other my budding coaching practice with 3 clients for now with no support and the potential to be criticized for not performing and bringing home THE money.”, I sense that you may have greater fears from getting criticized about not performing in your coaching practice and more importantly, not bringing home THE money. (The fact that you wrote THE in caps letters indicate to me that that may be your greater fear hence why you may have chosen the HVAC business).

    So, after reading your post, I couldn’t stop wondering if maybe your state of mind wasn’t trying to tell you something other than what you seem to have come to understand.

    As you remarked, Napoleon Hill did state that : “Financial independence, riches and desirable business and professional positions are not within reach of the person who neglects or refuses to expect, plan, and demand these things.” But that is not to say that, if you’re barking at the wrong tree, you ought to continue with it in the hopes of success as, I believe that if deep in your hearth your not certain of being where you belong, your are doomed to fail anyways.

    Furthermore, he may have stated that “The world has the habit of making room for those individuals whose words and actions show that they know where they are going.”. Showing you know where you’re going doesn’t mean to stay the course even if you think you have taken a wrong turn. Conversely, his statement doesn’t mean that you need to know how you’ll get there but only that you need to know where you want to go.

    So, based on that, and based on my perception that you may be refusing to embrace your real dream which I believe to be having a profitable and rewarding coaching business, all I have left to say is, decide on what you feel and know is right and not what is logically right.

    My two cents worth

    Your friend

    Jacques

    Don’t focus on the how, focus on the why and the how will be revealed one step at a time. #TDL
    http://twitter.com/#!/TheDailyLove/status/135803452260491264

  2. Chantal Ouellette on November 30th, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    Interesting that you are pointing to my fear about criticism for my performances and for my financial contribution…
    I think your analysis of my choice of the HVAC company is right. It was the option bringing me less fear, even though there is a great deal of fear involved in this adventure for me, mainly about my ability to perform to the level I’d love to.

    Regarding the quote on financial independence, I realize with what you’re pointing at, that somehow I still have a belief around financial success being linked to the “man world” hence the HVAC company in my picture. I have taken a logical decision based on that belief.

    And, about choosing from how I feel instead of what I logically think is right, is getting harder since my intellectual side is slowly shaping my emotional side with its interventions, because as we know a belief is a collection of thoughts that have been repeated often enough.

    I really appreciate you taking the time to analyze my text with such depth. It means a lot to me and I truly value the light your shining on this.