When my partner can’t accept…

When my partner, a friend, a colleague, my father can’t accept even a simple compliment I give him, as a simple sign of appreciation, I feel like my appreciation is not valued or appreciated.

If my partner can’t receive the attention I give her by doing things for her, making time to spend with him, compliments I give him, it means:

  • He can’t receive what I have to offer
  • She can’t receive who I am
  • I can’t feel unconditionally loved
  • I can’t open up
  • I can’t trust that I will be supported
  • I feel rejected for who I am – I’m like the little kid with slumped shoulders, head down, wondering what could be good enough to be loved for who he is. Simply loved.
  • I feel alone
  • I feel I have to do everything by myself – I can never rely on anyone, since no one really cares and loves me for who I am.
  • Separation – not receiving perpetuates the paradigm that we are all separate, that we require competing against one another, which creates aloneness.
  • What would it take to be able to receive and in turn create a nurturing, caring, creative, collaborative environment where I am free to be me and to be loved for who I am?

    My Love for Speed

    As we are getting on the tarmac and the engines of the plane start winding up, I feel  excitement. I love when we take off, my body being pushed in the seat because of the pressure created by the high speed.  I have a big smile on my face. I love when the plane turns.  I think it must be fun to be a pilot.

    As we are flying over lighted cities, just above some light clouds, I start thinking what else brings me this sense of excitement and where it could be coming from…

    The first thing that comes to mind is my experience in one of my friends muscle car.  Oh my!  That was pretty exciting too.  He really enjoyed seeing my grin as he was accelerating.  I also remember as a child being in those cars with adults and feeling their excitement, sense of control and pride. I even remember that a gas pedal was a chromed barefoot.  It must be where I got my urge to drive a manual car. Cuz’ with a standard you can accelerate faster and feel in control of your car.  Yes I love speed.

    Where else does it translate in my life?  Well, when I start a project, a journey, I want it all to unfold quickly, in a controlled fashion.  Does it happen that way?  Rarely.  And it used to frustrate me sooo much.  Now I’m realizing that it’s probably better that way. Life has a certain wisdom.  Would I have really been ready to speak in front of 2000 people as I was visualizing it, right after my LifeSuccess Consultant training?  Definitely not.  I would have been really nervous and overwhelmed.  Instead I’ve been preparing myself with smaller speaking engagements to become a world-class speaker.

    I also remember that when my kids were babies I thought that they weren’t growing up fast enough.  That I would be stuck in that high demand period forever.  And even though my mom was telling me that before long they would be teenagers, it was hard to grasp that concept. Lately I look at them, now almost 16 and 14, and I can’t get over how quickly it has gone by, in a way. It’s weird to look at them, taller than me.  Where as time flied by?

    I’m learning to slow down and appreciate the moment. And it’s sometimes strange.  I feel like I’m looking at someone else, because this “Relax!“ mode was so foreign to me, not so long ago.  A friend of mine even complimented me on my slower pace, saying that it was a nice change from my tight and busy schedule that was my lifestyle not even a year ago.

    What brought that change about?  My being tired and realizing that I was trying to keep up with my husband.  He is adrenaline driven and I could only keep up with that speed so long before crashing down, energy less. And lately I heard that unlike men adrenaline depletes women’s energy and leaves us exhausted.  Tada!  That’s why I couldn’t keep up!  I was yet again trying to do things in a manly fashion. Just like when I crave that speed with a car or on a plane. I want to feel that I have power and that I’m in control.  But what do we really control besides our mind?  Nothing.  So speed and control are both illusions.

    As we are starting the landing approach I become aware that slowing down requires more control.  Just like in life.

    Is it easier to catch all the balls life throws at us or to only catch the important ones and dodge the rest?  It’s sound lest exhausting to me…

    I understand now that I need to find a model of success achieved in a womanly fashion, making very good money and being highly respected.  Any suggestions?


    My dear friend Jacques sent me this text he had just discovered, and my heart jumped.  I had read those words before.  In fact many times. My mom had decided that it was good meditation material for that special time spent in the bathroom, and had framed it when I was a teenager.

    As they say, repetition is the key of learning, and reading this piece of wisdom over and over started a nice change in my awareness, in my way of see and experiencing life. Slowly, I’ve made changes in my consciousness to live according to those words.  I took many years.

    May you be touched by these words.



    Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
    As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
    Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
    Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
    If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
    for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

    Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
    Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
    Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
    But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
    and everywhere life is full of heroism.

    Be yourself.
    Especially, do not feign affection.
    Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

    Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
    Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
    Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

    You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
    you have a right to be here.
    And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

    Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
    and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
    With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

    © Max Ehrmann 1927

    Longing For The Past

    Last night, the dog was whining so much that I couldn’t sleep. D#*@> dog! He’s not a young dog so he doesn’t have this excuse running for him. He has been sleeping in a cage for a few weeks now because the kids don’t want to sleep with him anymore since he started growling at them when they move in their sleep, and it wakes them up. And when we left him lose during the night he would pee in a few spots.  A highly annoying fact to wake up to…

    So last night he was whining because our daughter had some friends over for a sleep-over and he wanted to be with them. I imagine  that in his dog mind he thought of all those human bodies he could cuddle up to and how lovely it would be.  The problem is they didn’t want him there.  So all night he was longing to be in a situation he can’t experience anymore.  And of course he doesn’t understand that.  Just like we don’t understand that most of the time the situation we are longing for is not available anymore for us to experience.  Not matter how much we long for it it won’t be the way it used to be. Period.

    I could be spending hours crying or mourning the relationship I used to have with my husband before his PTSD.  Will it bring it back?  Will he be magically touched by a magic wand and brought back to the way he was when we were living “the life”? No. What can I do then?  Live and enjoy the present moment. Enjoy the good moments I spend with him when he is present the way I like him to be.  And the other times, when he is caught in his own whirlwind, when he is stressed out, I back off.  I send him lots of love and continue doing my own thing. I could go back in my mind to the “good old days” and get all nostalgic, and I’ve done it often enough, but I became aware that it wasn’t helpful, that it was bringing me down.  What’s the use then? He’s stressed, I’m down and the kids are upset. It’s a lose-lose situation.  When I acknowledge where he is and continue doing my stuff, I’m happy, I’m in a responsive mode if I need to be, not a reactive one, and my household is more at peace.  Much easier to live that way, in my books.

    Accepting what is… a magic key for many life experiences…

    Life as a game

    I’ve been asked for my opinion about something a friend of mine is going through and I know enough now to not go into this.  So I gently answered that my opinion didn’t really matter because I was an observer of her game and not a player involved.

    Just like when you’re watching a hockey game and you’re yelling at the players because they are not doing what you think would be a better play. Really, your opinion doesn’t matter because you’re not involved. You’re not even on the ice!  What can you do about it?  You could be speculating forever and seeing the better options, and it still wouldn’t change a thing because you’re an outsider and you are not in the action.

    There are always a minimum of 2 options for any given situation and more often then not, millions of possibilities.  How you think, feel, act or react can change the outcome in so many variations… Just like any game.  So really, what would my opinion change?  Nothing. I wasn’t a player and I wasn’t even present at the game!  What can I do to support the person now is a better question to ask.

    I’ve adopted that line of thought for a few years now that life is a game and that I can decide to play it whatever way I choose, knowing that I have to be ready to assume the repercussions of my decisions. And I like it.  I like to play and have fun so this philosophy fits me.  For now at least.

    Happiness, Love and Acceptance

    I’ve been reflecting on the impact of love lately.  It seems that a lot of what I read as something about this.  And since there is no such thing as luck or coincidence, it’s prompting me to consider how to open up and see the difference love will make in my life.

    I can say  happiness has been my lifelong quest.  As far as I can remember I have been saying that happiness was my main goal in life.  And it took a long time to get there.  Writing these words, something comes up saying Love has been a leading force.  And is that ever true!  Every time I’ve felt love I’ve followed the path love was on.  Be it an experience, a job, a relationship.  It seems that love and happiness have always been connected in my mind, almost in an exclusive way.  Nothing else could bring as much happiness as love.

    And last year I became aware of the “I Love You” concept listening to a book by Joe Vitale and I. Hew Len, Zero Limits, where they explain the power of loving everyone and every situation around us.  I had to experiment with it!

    If I agree to the concept that I am vibration, that I emit and receive vibrations, it makes sense that when I consciously choose to emit a love vibration toward someone or a situation that I am changing what is outside of me and what is inside of me.  So I tried it. When I was confronted to people who were unhappy or angry, I was thinking “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you” as long as I wasn’t noticing a shift in their emotion and it rarely took more than 2 minutes before it happened.  How wonderful!

    And that’s because when we feel loved, we feel accepted for who we are. Accepting who we are, accepting the other person, with our qualities and weaknesses, accepting the situation as it is, is love in action.

    Love isn’t just a concept and an emotion, it also an action.

    Lately, I had pushed aside the action part of love and things were getting tough and bizarre in many areas of my life. I was resisting, refusing to accept me, my situation and the people around me. I was stuck. And then I found a book with a reminder of the importance of love.  I’ve put it back into action and things are better!  It’s magical!  The book? The Greatest Salesman in the World by Og Mandino.

    Now it’s clear that happiness, love and acceptance are all interconnected, in my mind.

    How about you?

    The Knots Prayer

    Someone sent me this prayer today, and it touched me.

    Life has ways to reach to me when I’m going through grey times that continuously amaze me.  I’m so grateful!

    Here it is:

    The Knots Prayer

    Dear God :

    Please untie the knots

    that are in my mind,

    my heart and my life,

    remove the have nots,

    the can nots and the do nots

    that I have in my mind.

    Erase the will nots,

    may nots,

    might nots that may find

    a home in my heart.

    Release me from the could nots,

    would nots and

    should nots that obstruct my life.

    And most of all,

    Dear God,

    I ask that you remove from my mind,

    my heart and my life all of the ‘am nots’

    that I have allowed to hold me back,

    especially the thought

    that I am not good enough.


    Author Known to God